Complaining, the french national hobby. I bathed into it growing up.
We all do it, but the French would definitely win the olympics if it were a sport.
I remember a few years ago, in Bali, getting the (photocopied version of the) book 21 day no complaint challenge by Will Bowen, a very interesting read that I gifted to both my Mum and Dad but I think they never opened the book.
When I explained to one of my girlfriend recently what you are going to read below, she said: ouais mais ça fait du bien quand même, (yeah but it feels good nevertheless) to complain a bit doesn’t it?!
Well depends, do you feel better or worse afterwards?! I’m not advocating for emotion suppression either! Not at all! But rather than complaining about someone or a situation in a layer-cake-way, I believe in constructive struggle sharing.
Complaining the layer-cake-way (yes I just made that expression up, I’m starting to speak in metaphors like my partner, I didn’t see it coming I swear!), means both parties are adding one layer of drama / anger / sadness on top of another until the humongous cake is so unstable, it collapses on both your heads, leaving you and your counterpart feeling negatively hyped and worse than before.
On the other hand, constructive struggle sharing with someone who is not at this specific moment in time in the same lower frequency / emotion / vibration as you and is able to share her realizations in regards to the same struggle will leave you feeling lighter and understood, ready to change the thing you were not happy with!
As usual, it’s all a matter of perspective, how you choose to approach the ‘problem’ and with whom.
Lately I’ve been experimenting with something even better than constructive struggle sharing though.
It’s in the title, you guessed it, it’s MANIFESTING! I finally remembered that it doesn’t ‘just’ work for objects and that rather than criticizing or complaining about a person / situation / relationship and rehashing my misery, I might as well rewrite the story the way I would like it to go! And unlike the scarf experiment in January, this one worked pretty well and quickly!
There are many manifestation / visualization programs and teachers out there like Dr. Joe Dispenza, Kathrin Zenkina. It’s worth checking out if you are new to the concept. I’d just like to share how I do it briefly to give you an idea:
- The first step is to notice that I’m not happy with a situation, that I wish to change it
- Then I think about what I want instead
- As I have a morning pages routine after waking up, I’ll use that moment to write affirmations of how I want a specific situation to be. Or sometimes I do it in meditation. There is a great morning meditation from Dr. Joe Dispenza I like to use.
- The sentences need to be written or thought in the present tense combined with a positive emotion. For example: I have a beautiful relationship with my partner, it is loving, respectful and beautiful. And you feel all those things in that moment.
- If you manifest from a place of lack, it won’t work. If you desperately want XYZ it won’t work.
- It might take some practice, keep going.
- You cannot choose the exact timing nor how it will happen exactly.
- Be open